he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
