We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Acid is not a monday night drug
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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