sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
