it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
