last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
