If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
