By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
