do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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