I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
