U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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