she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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