Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
high people should be assigned attendants
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
