i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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