So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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