I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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