Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
