Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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