apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Found the puke drawer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
