There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
