"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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