I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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