Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
