this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
