Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize