I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
