Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
