Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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