Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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