is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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