I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
