Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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