I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
