She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
