Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
