Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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