just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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