please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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