Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
