I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
