In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am available for nakedness
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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