needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
