I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
