I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize