She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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