My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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