She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
