I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
