I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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