They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize