Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
