I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
