i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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