My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
