all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
