jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I will die if light touches me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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