Barsexuality is the new black.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How does one acquire holy water?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
