Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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