i was born a porn star she said
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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