I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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