Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize