Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
